2 Moms Seeking Sanity

It’s summer time! Time for sleeping in, lounging at the pool, vacations and a slower pace. That is what popular media says anyway. And every year I forget my entire history with summer and have high hopes for all these things. I think it’s like labor. You forget all the details until you are in the middle of it again. Speaking of labor…

Our first weekend was filled with my eldest child’s 9th birthday. And like any all-American boy he wanted a war for his birthday. Yes, a war. Thankfully the bullets and guns were NERF. What was most interesting is that my 22 year old brother, his best friend, my father, husband and a couple of dad’s dropping their sons off for the party decided to fight in the war too. It was hilarious and lots of fun. Well, from the window where I watched I saw lots of laughter amongst the shooting so I assume it was a good war (oxymoron?). No was was I going out there!

Like every year I look at my oldest and can’t believe he is older. My mind seems to work at half time and I always think the kids should be half the age they are . Watching him blow out his candles I thank God for each year I have been blessed to be his mother and watch my baby grow healthy and strong. And at the same time I beg God to please make time slow down. We are past hugs without me using a surprise attack and he is already certain he knows much more than me. And in a few areas he does! (How does he remember the names a distant galaxies and planets but not remember to brush his hair each day?!). I know that time will just pull him further from me. That is life. And that is why when no one was looking I pulled him into my lap and rocked him and am eternally grateful he let me for a few minutes. He is my first and will always hold a very special place in my heart. I love all my children equally but the very first day I was a Mama? The best day of my life hands down.

Me and my baby at 8 months/ 9 years

Summer keeps passing by. A trip to visit family, VBS, summer basketball games, trips to the library and pool, an upcoming vacation. There have been very few days we slept in or got to be lazy. Soon I will be flipping the calendar over to August and counting down the days until school starts. And I will welcome it’s structure and supposed predictability that is probably only a fantasy like lazy summer days. But summer, like childhood, passes much too quickly so I’m going to go wash the beach towels and try and enjoy each moment.

-Christine

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There are pros and cons to a big family.  I think we all know that.  Those of us who were only children or have only children could list all we love(d) and hate(d) about it.  Mothers of only children have worries about not providing siblings, spoiling, etc.  But they also have the benefits of how easy it is to haul one child around with you wherever you want to go.  Easier to vacation, cheaper all the way around.  Great!  I have one sibling, so really a small family and I always thought it would be wonderful to have a big family.  Grass is always greener right?  And ergo, we have 4 kids.  And it is great and tiring and great….. and really tiring.

I look around and think, “Man!  That’s a lot of kids!”

Right now they are still pretty young (ages 2, 4, 6, 8).  And so lots of things are still difficult.  Vacations are very tough.  And while we do vacation fairly regularly with all children, we are in a difficult stage with our youngest.  She has some speech delays, so she is difficult to understand and easily frustrated.  She wants to do everything on her own, but really isn’t capable.  She is not good in the car, difficult on a plane; but we’ve never tried her on a boat!!  Go by plane, go by car. Go by boat, it’s not far!!  (Reference to Go Dogs, Go! By Dr. Seuss in case you are not surrounded by small children).

But I digress.  What got me thinking about big families today was how my day went today.  Took the day off work (This was good).  And proceeded to just drive back and forth across town.  Left this morning to drop off E1, E2, and R1 at Tega (our day camp for the summer).  Took R2 to the doctor for her hearing screening (doing very well by the way).  Then back to Tega because she SAID she wanted to go to camp.  Got there and she no longer wanted to go to camp.  Her language is delayed but I was pretty clear on the “No! No! NO!!” when we pulled up.  So we headed home for lunch/nap.  Then back to Tega to pick up E2 for a birthday party. Drop her off at Clay Café, back to Tega to get other two kids; back to Clay Café to get E2 after party and finally home.  Whew!! I’m tired.  Why didn’t I pick up all 3 kids the first (or third) time I was at Tega you might ask?  Because we were late for the birthday party already (of course!).  We are chronically late.

So, this is what it is like with 4 small children. Most of them are not even in activities yet.  What will it be like with for middle school age kids?  Everyone will want to be somewhere and probably all at the same time.  I am glad I like my van.  Seems like I will be spending a lot of time there!

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It’s that time of year again,  swimsuit season! I know! Aren’t you just so excited? I love standing under flickering fluorescent lights counting the dimples on my thighs.

I have lost some weight since last year so I had hoped the experience wouldn’t be too bad. That was my problem, I did not adequately prepare myself for the torture I was about to endure. Even though I have more weight to lose I was hoping that the vast improvement over last year would help me get through the experience without too much drama. I was so wrong.

For one, when you improve one area of the body…you automatically move on to the next area that needs work. It’s like when you paint the kitchen, suddenly the family room looks dingy in comparison. How did I never notice my thighs until today?  I suppose I was so focused on my stomach I never looked any further down. And what about my arms? Wouldn’t lugging groceries and kids around tone them at least a little? Apparently not.

And can anyone tell me WHY it is so hard to find a top with an underwire? 90% of bras have underwires. 90% of bikini tops do NOT have an underwire. A bikini top is just a bra that gets wet. Wouldn’t a wet bra require even more support? Unless you are 20 or have a brand new set, mom boobs need support!

Also, why are more modest bathing suits so freaking ugly? Just because I want to cover some areas does not mean I want them covered in dolphins. Just because I like a more substantial  bottom piece does not mean I need a skirt all the way down to my knees.

I tried on everything.  One pieces, two pieces (haha!), multi-colored and my old friend, black.  I sat down to see how they looked from that angle (whatever you do, do NOT do this). I even took pictures with my cell phone so I could analyze them in detail (I already told you I’m neurotic). I tried to conjure up Stacy and Clinton from What Not To Wear and imagine what they would say (“Put a jacket on over it!”, their answer for everything, is all that came to mind).  In the end I looked at my giant tangled pile of spandex and nylon and refused to rehang it  in defiance (sorry Macy’s) and left.

So, I spent every precious child-free hour today shopping for a swim suit and this is what I came home with…

A necklace, pajamas and shampoo.

Think if I wear the necklace at the pool it will distract from everything else?

-Christine

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It’s spring so it’s that time of the year

And you know the only thing that I seem to hear

Are the laughing and cheering of kids playing

So for me it’s the that time of the year where I lay my head down praying

Wishing I had once again a little brother

His name was Justin, Justin Lynn Bolton

Man I miss you so much, you were like no other

I love you and wish you were home

At least I know you’re not alone

It’s not the same without you here

What had happened to you still seems so unclear

You’d look at me and smile

Your smile used to stretch a mile

When I had a bad day you were the only one that could make me laugh

It was like you were my other half

It had hurt me to see what you had to go through

It hurt me even more because I knew there was nothing I could do

I just wish I could have taken it all away

But all I could do was pray

I pray for you every night before I go to sleep

And every time I think I hear you creep

Sometimes it’s like you’re still here

I look at my door and wait for you to appear

Then I realize you’re not home

And once again I am feeling so alone

I love you so much you just don’t know

No matter what you’ll always be my one and only little bro.

-Megan Allen

In memory of the sweetest little boy I ever had the joy to know and written by his precious sister Megan.  We love you and miss you Justin, and we envy you sitting with Jesus today.  Watch over your sisters, smile for your mother, and have God shoot down power for your father.  You always had a smile on your face and I can’t wait to see that smile again one day! – Julie

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I’m moving to an island. Yup, I think it is the only way to keep the world from completely corrupting my kids. I’m one of those moms who only lets her kids watch PBS and Nick Jr. They think the “S” word is “stupid” and lying is an automatic grounding. Call me strict, sheltering, whatever. I’ve been doing this long enough I’m secure in these choices.

But it’s getting harder. So much harder. Vaughn is about to turn 9. He wants an iPod for his birthday and I know I can’t hold off cell phones and laptops forever.The internet is practically Pandora’s box. My hope is that by teaching him our values now he will be prepared to make good choices when he is older. But I also know he’s human and this safe and happy bubble I’ve constructed will burst with the sharp point of the world one day. Although that doesn’t make me happy I know it’s part of life and am prepared for it.

What I wasn’t prepared for is the world girls live in now. Rebeka is very aware- of everything. She notices the jewelry people wear, she is bordering on obsessed with fashion and picks up on the teen lingo and mannerisms very quickly. Which would be expected to some degree if she was a teen. But she’s not. She is 6.  I am only 24 years older than her so it hasn’t been that long ago that I was a kid but I got to grow up pre-information era. Even though I’ve never mentioned the word ‘diet’ (we talk about healthy foods and ‘treat’ foods), never have fashion magazines in the house and try my very best to keep critical thoughts about my own body to myself…she already knows. She knows that thin is what you want to be. She will ask me if she is ‘tiny’. If her tummy if small. If the Dr. Pepper I’m addicted to makes me skinny (if only!) and if not, why do I drink it? Today was the worst question of all.

“Mommy, would you love me if I wasn’t skinny?”

“Rebeka, I will always love you. I love you no matter what and I don’t care what shape or size you are. I love YOU!”.

But why was that a question in her mind? I have never called her skinny and just don’t comment on weight or size in general.  But those thoughts have already permeated her little mind. I’m not sure if it’s from friends, overhearing adults or just walking though the mall and noticing every model has her ribs sticking out. Or, maybe I’m not doing as good a job keeping my own weight struggles to myself as I thought. Ouch.

So what is a mom to do? How do you keep little girls from becoming fixated on weight and size? If she feels this way at 6 I worry about what 16 holds in store. I’ve read that girls in sports and with fathers active in their life have better body image. And we have those boxes checked. But what else can I do? The older she gets the more she will be exposed to the media and it’s unhealthy ideals.  Abercrombie Kids just released push- up bikini tops for her age! While some may say you can’t keep your kids in a bubble, it’s just sad that this particular bubble didn’t even last past Kindergarten.  Anyone have an island for sale?

-Christine

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My son is confusing me. I think he may have multiple personalities. Or at least two.

1- The sweet, helpful, kind, and giving personality.

2- The completely opposite one.

The problem is that I get personality #2 all the time and the rest of the world gets #1.

For instance, at church he did something so nice his teacher waited around to tell to us at pickup. She said she had only brought 12 donuts for the class and 13 kids showed up. Vaughn, without being asked, volunteered to give up his donut so that the rest of the class could all have one. And he loooooooves donuts. The teacher was impressed and said he could have something out of the prize box for his generosity. So, as he looked though the box he found some Lightning McQueen stickers, his little brothers favorite, and chose those so he could give them to Patrick. Now the teacher was just amazed and said she is going to bring him an Icee at lunchtime this week at school. I was just as amazed as she was and was busy congratulating him for putting others first as we all got into the car. We drove to a restaurant and the kids were all drawing on their paper menus. Vaughn was playing tic-tac-toe with Rebeka. Sounds nice, right? Well it would be if he didn’t win each time all the while telling her how great he was and she would never, ever beat him. When she asked for his help on the word search he told her no and covered his own page so she couldn’t see the answers. She cried. When I ordered him apple juice instead of Sprite he  whined how unfair life was and almost started crying. How can this be the same kid???

The same thing happens each day at school pick up. He has never once got in trouble at school. Pre-K-3rd grade not so much as a frowny face on his folder. But once he’s in my possession he will push his brother down, torment his sister and on a particularly bad day told me NO and walked off as I told him it was time to go home and he couldn’t play with his friends.

Sigh. At age 4 he was perfect for me too. Since he’s started school though it’s like he sees bad behavior and while he isn’t brave enough to try it at school he will try it at home. And there are consequences. You bet there are consequences! I err on the strict side of parenting and backtalk and defiance will receive swift and stiff penalties every time. But why do I have to do this? Why won’t he be compliant at home? The whole world gets Dr. Jekyll and I get Mr. Hyde!

I suppose I should be glad he does, deep down, know how the act. I just want to see if for myself!

-C

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Today I am sending out my New Year’s cards.  I figure if I get it in before the first quarter of the year is over, I’m still good.  My problem with getting them out was I over-think.  I do not like to write directly on the cards – my handwriting is close to illegible and I just don’t have time honestly.  But I also don’t like to send out cards without a little personalization.  So, in December, life was crazy and out of control and cards were not going to happen.  Come January and I managed to order cards that have since sat on my desk frowning at me because I have not sent them on their merry ways.

But since insomnia reigns tonight (it is 2:30am), it seems like the perfect time to take another step towards mailing the cards – writing the annual letter.  Then we’ll see how long it takes to get the stamps and labels on them and actually sent off to you!  I will not date this letter and then you won’t know how long it took me!

The kids are doing great.  Evan is in 2^nd grade and finally starting to find his academic wings.  We have worked a lot to understand his learning style and now he is starting to take off and enjoy it.  He has the best teacher ever this year.  I wish we could clone her and take her from grade to grade with us.  Erin is in 1^st grade and nothing slows her down.  She is the youngest in her class but the only evidence of that is that her teeth are falling out slower!  She was complaining that all her friends have “big front teeth” and she has small ones.  One finally fell out though so she can get that buck-toothed look too.  Ryan is our Fancy Nancy and just too sweet.  She is in Parent’s Day Out and loves to go to school.  She also loves purple and princesses, and glitter.  And shoes!  Strange child, I do not know where she came from.  And the baby is, well, the baby.  Reagan is strong willed, a dare devil, and she’s LOUD.  She knows what she wants and so do all the rest of us!

And work is work.  We are blessed in what we have both at work and at home and we try to walk in His Glory every day.  We feel very blessed.  My hopes for this year are straightforward if not simple.  I would like to find a playgroup for my youngest two and solidify friendships for them and for me.  I want to draw closer to God and hear his voice daily.  I want to walk with integrity even when that means turning away from some things I have chosen in the past.  I want to be a good mom even if that means class parties, Play-doh, glitter, shoe shopping, and other things I do not really like.  I’ll throw in some classics like eat better and exercise more.  But I also want to make fancy cupcakes that impress and dazzle!

I hope you have also been blessed and that your year has started out with fantastic fun and less procrastination than mine!  But now I can almost check this task off my to-do list and move on to the next goal!  Cupcakes here I come!

In His glory and with my love

Julie

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Not to get all “Back in the olden days…” on you but seriously, whatever happened to good TV shows? You know, Friends, Everybody Loves Raymond, Seinfeld, Frasier, The Practice? Shows you cleared your schedule for (this was pre-DVR of course).

Now that my evenings don’t require much ‘clearing’ there is NOTHING on. I’ll scroll through the channel guide and here are my choices:

Reality. Is your life really messed up? I mean messed up beyond anyone else you know? Like you live with a buffalo in your house? Eat couch cushions? Dress your daughter like a tiny Dolly Parton? Sleep with people who most wouldn’t share a spoon with? Well, your craziness just might get you an appearance on one of these shows. And you will need that cash to pay for the therapy you should have got years ago.

Sci-Fi. Ok, I’m not a fan of sci-fi in general but at least it used to be somewhat normal. Seems that now it’s mostly sci-fi as soft core porn. Do people really want to watch someone’s head twisting into a 360 while doing it? And do many women really fantasize about sex with a, um, creature? Brain bleach…need brain bleach.

Food. I love food shows. But they make me hungry And I’m on a diet. Enough said.

Police/Law/Medicine. There are so many of these, and they have been on for so long that the stories get more and more bizarre trying to keep your attention. When Dr. Romano’s arm got lopped off by the helicopter on ER that was it for me. Every time I try once again, the show involves some weird sex death or other horrible thing I will then worry about happening.  More brain bleach.

News. Another thing I like. But things in the world are getting so crazy I’m starting to prefer to stick my head into the nice comforting sand most of the time and keep up with The End of the World As We Know It on a weekly basis.

Games/Contests. If I’m not the one on there winning the money I don’t get that excited about it. I feel dumb when seeing people answer questions I don’t know. Untalented watching them dance and sing. And hypocritical watching them run 10 miles through the desert while I’m snacking on Doritos and a Diet Coke.

Sports. My Hubby loves this enough for the both of us. And my darling boys are not far behind him in their devotion. I’m over saturated.

Spanish. These actually look pretty interesting. But no habla espanol. Darn it.

Excruciatingly Elaborate Plots- I do like these. They remind me of a good book, but on TV! Problem is, I can’t put them down when life calls like I would a book. If someone talks/I go to the bathroom/I forget to turn on the TV/we have basketball practice/I fall asleep at 7:30, it is hard to catch back up.  And after you are 2 shows behind you’ve already heard the shocking plot twist and it is too easy to just quit. These shows sometimes feel like too much of a commitment to me. Yes, I just said a TV show was big commitment.

So folks, what do you watch? Because I just saw a reenactment of someone getting gored by a bull and there has got to be better than this. Guess I’ll keep crossing my fingers Mad Men will return and watching recorded How I Met Your Mother episodes (how am I just now finding that show? So good!).  Any other ideas? Cause if I don’t find something soon I’m going to have to clean my closet out of sheer desperation. And we don’t want that.

-C

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Hello blog world!

I’ve been under the weather for awhile. “Under the weather” as in my husband, mother and every friend were called into duty. And I HATE asking for help. I’m happy to give it, but hate asking for it. Always feel like such an inconvenience and so I rarely  ask for anything. But I learned some things from my 2 weeks of convalescence.

My husband loves me. Yes, he had a couple meltdowns and we had a couple arguments but  he did whatever I needed and everything in his power to keep me out of pain. And he told me I was beautiful when I hadn’t showered in 5 days. And he meant it. I’m keeping him.

My mom is a saint. My mom has Lupus and Fibromyalgia, which if you don’t know both cause random extreme pain and fatigue. But she came and she is our Alice (from the Brady Bunch). Laundry is magically done. Dinner is magically made (with at least three vegetable sides). She bathes the kids and even had to bathe ME on a particularly bad day. And she just does it all like it’s nothing. 

My friends are awesome. They took the kids to and from school. Had them over for a million playdates. Took them to the park, to get ice cream, to birthday parties. They brought me flowers, dinner and sent texts and emails checking on me. Julie sent helpful texts when I was sad and feeling like a burden.  She told me to lock myself in my room and read a book while everyone did everything else. And not feel guilty. And she’s a psychologist so that was professional advice. I cried one day I felt so lucky. And I don’t cry.

So now I’m doing better. Slowly better…but better. And I am still in awe. I’ve gone through long stretches without help, without friends and without anyone to text and cry too.And the difference is night and day. So thank you to my awesome support system. I can’t wait to return all the favors.  You all teach me how to be a better person.

-C

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I just love cupcakes.  Cute cupcakes, fat cupcakes, rich cupcakes, cream filled cupcakes.  There is something happy about a cupcake.  We have two cupcake stores here.  It is amazing to me we have one, but two!  It’s not like we are a huge metropolitan area.  Or that we have a very yuppy population.  But I guess cupcakes are just fun….. and yummy, so a cupcake store is a hit. 

I also love the idea of making fancy fun cupcakes.  I am always seeing magazines with adorable Valentine cupcakes or spider cupcakes, or other holiday designed treats.  It just seems so amazing and impressive to me.  How do they taste?  Who knows!  But they are cute.  Parenting.com frequently has cupcake ideas and their recent post advertised the new Betty Crockers The Big Book of Cupcakes.  I HAVE to have that book!!

I mean really – how adorable are these cupcakes?  (Pictures from the Parenting.com site.  I was not solicited or paid by them and I hope they don’t mind that I borrowed their pictures.”)

Okay, but here is the crazy thing.  I do not bake.  I do not mix, stir, measure, sift, fold, or whisk.  I barely know the meaning of some of those terms.  Well, I know how to mix but come on.  These types of cupcakes require talent! I know that any attempts I made to duplicate such things would just result in disappointment for me.  Things never look as good as the picture!  But think how impressive it would be to bring those cute little rainbow cupcakes to the next class party!  Forget class party!  I might have to have a cupcake party and invite everyone I know and even a few people I don’t know to admire my apple/worm creations!

I did attempt cute cupcakes once for Ryan’s first birthday.  I baked the cupcakes (from a box mix, but don’t judge me).  And I put on the icing, and then I rolled, pulled, cut, snipped, twirled and balanced little pieces of candy to make various doggie cupcakes.  It was a ridiculous amount of work!!  They make it look so simple but it was tough!  And I wasn’t overwhelmed by the family response.  I wanted an “OH, I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!” kind of moment.  Didn’t happen. (Very cute! If it makes you feel better I made homemade cupcakes for Rebeka’s giant bday party and while they were cute they were the consistency of hockey pucks. Stick to Betty Crocker. She knows what she is doing. -C)

Well, even with all that work, I still love cupcakes and I think I need that book.  Birthday in March, hint hint.  And after a stressful couple of weeks, I need a really good cupcake so tomorrow I think I will head to Cake where they do all the work for you!

-J

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